Emptiness is Blue

I'm feeling empty. Very empty.

I do not know exactly what to do. Maybe I'm getting older and I already started to get worried about things a lot.

I talked to him about how I feel. I always think it's appropriate to tell things out rather than keep it with me and wait for the timed explosion. I talked and I talked. He complained and complained. We argued and argued. We broke up.

I know it's silly to say this but I think it's for real this time. I did not cry. I was having a hard time sleeping that night but not really because of that. Don't ask me why. I just knew. He didn't cry until the next day when he realised that I wouldn't say yes to him anymore. I was so upset before the break up. I was disturbed and didn't know what to do and what I'm supposed to do. I talked to Sure Win and I amost broke down in front of the ARRCADE members. I was hoping to hear God's word. I mean literally. I was so empty then.

However, something cheers me up the next day. Ask me!

I know I have options. I know I can choose. I know what I deserve. I know what others deserve. I also know what I want out of life. I know my ultimate goal. I know who is most important in my life. I know what I meant to certain people. I know I know I know!!!!

Trust me. I really know.

Maybe I don't trust myself.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is really difficult for me especially in this kind of matter. That sums up of one year and a half.

Feel my pain!

Nothing worse than this I guess. Being locked up with me and by me.

The lock is blue in colour.

Cause I used to like it.

Christmas Party

Holiday huh... I don't have any. In fact, I'm holidaying almost everyday. Lolz.

Remember the last time I tell ya that I wanted to throw a party? I never did. Sorry.

Mom and dad allowed us to have one for the christmas on the 20th. It was a public holiday and I had not booked or bought my ticket back home. I later knew from sis that mom was furious. I know myself damn well. I'm always the person who always sing "quesera-sera.. whatever will be will be..." I was so deserved that treatment.

The worst case scenario was that I decided to carpool with mom's friend's kids. Nah.. not literally kids of course. It's just... you know what I mean... I told mom that I will get the bas kilang next time if I can't get any proper transportation. Never want to experience that again...

The christmas party was great but it was a little rainny when the santa came. I also knocked my head on a small boy's head. I could actually see stars. Lolz. Nothing much happened except that dad was not feeling very well that night. Poor daddy. I could see it in your eyes that night.

I was so relieved I could get home FINALLY!! (This is related to the carpool per se)

Pictures not uploaded here.. They're not with me. Maybe later ;-)